May 4, 2013

What do you do when you're pissed off?

Today, and last night, have been highly stressful for me. I don't even want to talk about it anymore, but basically, my boyfriend lets the dogs out of the front door when we get home (from donating plasma, so we are both weaker than usual), one of them shot off and I had to chase the fat thing down, my boyfriend also kept talking about ways we could make a job work for me when I already know I don't have the job, and now he's talking about making me drive tonight on a frightening road when I haven't driven in over a year.  I don't have my permit, because they're ridiculously expensive nowadays, but I am 20 and need to know how to drive. I'm terrified of driving. I used to get motion sickness, now it's just straight up terror when we are going over 40 mph. This happened after we lost control of the car on some slush/ice, and went off the road. We didn't rollover or anything, but it was still scary as hell and now I don't ever want to get in a car.

So he wants me to drive in the middle of night on a scary, twisty turny road, going way to fast in my opinion  otherwise he's not going to get me at all tonight.

I came home to my dads house to sew stuff because that's what I've been wanting to do, but now that I'm here I'm tired and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don't want to deal with the fact that I didn't get the job, or any of this crap that means it's just going to take longer to move the hell out and be with my poor forced-to-live-outdoors-unfairly cat. I don't want to think about the friends who are moving into their first houses while I haven't started moving out of my parents, or people who have started going to school when they don't have any kind of idea of what they want to do when I know what I want to do, or at least I did until I rode along with this mobile vet clinic and watched the vet pull dead kittens out of a cats vagina, and now I'm even rethinking my whole life plan.

I'm going to attempt to sew up a beach bag, because I've always wanted one for some reason, but I don't know if I'm going to finish, or even be able to comprehend the pattern to even start. My mind is all over the place and I kinda don't like anything or anyone right now. I just want to be alone in my room.

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